Me & Coffee...We Just Don't Get Along

Ahhh, coffee. I love how the stuff smells. Sometimes I like to just pull the big tin of coffee out of the pantry and give it a big whiff.


I've never really been a coffee drinker though. My first real experience with coffee was when I was in high school. I had a student internship at a local high tech company, and coffee drinking was a way of life. I decided to give it a try. I loaded it up with chocolate, sugar, an cream. I actually enjoyed how it tasted! I had several cups, and felt like quite the real grown up sitting there with my cup of coffee.


And then...I learned something very important about coffee. There is a LOT of caffeine in coffee. And do you know what caffeine is? It is a very...I mean VERY...effective diuretic. Especially for a young girl who is not a coffee drinker. I spent that day...well...not being a very productive employee. That's enough about that!


My relationship with coffee would take yet another turn during our first year of marriage. We hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house (maybe Christmas? can't remember...must have blocked it out). There was the two of us and 5 other adults...hubby's mom, grandparents, brother, and sister-in-law. We had a nice dinner despite the hideous gravy and dry turkey. I gained a new appreciation for my own mom and her amazing ability to put a spectacular dinner together.


One thing that I was really proud of was my pies...homemade...from scratch...beautiful and delicious! But everyone knows you have to have coffee with your pie, right? I had thought of everything - even the coffee. I set the coffee to brewing while I cut the pies and whipped the cream. It was going to be perfect!


All I can say is that hubby's family is very gracious. They choked down that coffee with their pie without a word.


It wasn't until it was time to do the dishes that I realized that something was wrong. I went to clean out the filter and grounds from the coffee maker....but there was nothing there! Sure, there was a filter...but it was totally empty. I was baffled.


"Hey, I thought that there was usually coffee grounds left over after brewing coffee?!"

"There should be!"

"Well, there's not anything here!"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Look for yourself!"

"What the...well, let me see the coffee you used."

"It's this stuff" (I hand over the container of coffee)

"Daiquiri...this is instant coffee!"


I wish I could say that I immediately understood what that meant, but it took someone explaining the difference between normal coffee grounds and instant coffee. Ah, put the coffee maker away. I'm not doing that again for a while.

But coffee just will NOT leave me alone. A lot of people drink coffee. For a long time, I cited ignorance (I don't drink it, and don't know how to make it) for not brewing a pot of coffee. But then we started hosting a weekly Bible study at our house, and the coffee maker came out again. I finally figured out how to make coffee that most people seem alright about drinking.


Every now and then, though, the coffee gods have to show me who's boss. My brother and sister-in-law are in town again (ironically, the same couple who witnessed the Instant Coffee Fiasco of '97). I went to brew coffee for them before they came downstairs. I don't know how it happened, but I ended up dumping a giant Costco-sized container of coffee on my kitchen floor and rug.





Coffee is of the devil, I tell ya. The devil! (But I admit, it's pretty yummy with some caramel creamer)