(This post cross-posted at Moms In The Right)
The past couple of weeks have been crazy. Deep thought has not been remotely a part of my life. It's been more like "put one foot in front of the other", while I lived day to day waiting for Hubby to return from one of his many recent business trips. I don't know how single parents do it. Really, I don't.Although it's been a tough time for me physically and mentally to be away from my favorite person so much lately, it's had a wonderful sweetness about it too. Every now and then I go through times where I can feel the Lord so deeply...in such a real and almost physical way. He's always just to my right, and a hair behind me. Sometimes it feels like if I could just turn my head quickly enough, I'd catch a glimpse of him. It's wonderful.
Feeling him so near makes prayer so intense and emotional, I can hardly stand it. I close my eyes and feel him and talk to him and just be quiet and listen to him...listen to him speak to my heart in that amazing wordless way he has. And I cry. The tears and sobs just can't be contained. He is so real, so tangible...I just don't know how to be in his presence...to be so real and honest and weak before him...without breaking down. It might sound painful, but it's not. It's amazing and good and awesome. It makes me long for Heaven, when I can be with him forever and when I'll be in a state where I can enjoy his presence without feeling as if my heart will erupt in my chest!
Oh, we have such an amazing God!
He's been near my children too, I can tell by their conversations. Clara curled up with me in bed this morning and said, "Mommy, can I sing you a song I made up?" And then she went on to sing the sweetest song about what she would do if she could fly...she'd fly right up to Heaven and say "hello" to God :)
And Benjamin...my little theologian! He blew me away as we were driving in the car the other day. Out of the blue he said, "Mommy, I have a problem."
"Uh oh, what kind of problem?"
"My heart wants to believe, it DOES believe. But my head just won't let me sometimes!"
"What do you mean? Believe what?"
"In God. My heart knows he's real and that he's here with me. But my brain just can't believe it. It can't believe it because I just can't think of how it's possible. I mean, HOW can God be so big?"
"Oh boy, buddy. That is a tricky one. (long pause) Do you know what faith is?"
"Just believing in God?"
"Well, sort of. Faith is believing in something...or hoping for something...that your heart knows is true because God told you, but that your brain just can't quite understand."
"You mean my head will never understand?"
"As you grow and learn and know God more, your head will understand more and more. But no, until you're in Heaven some day, you'll have to just believe and hope in what your heart tells you is true. You'll have to have faith."
I was sweatin' it after that conversation! I swear, that kid thinks about stuff I didn't consider until I was 30 years old!
And then just a few days ago he said, "Do you know what I've noticed? I've noticed that they don't really say God's name on TV. It's sort of like they're talking about him all the time, but they just don't say his name. It's almost like they think his name is a bad word or something!"
This kid is SIX years old!
And then there's Samantha...my sweet little 2 year old Sammy. She has two favorite songs right now, "Yankee Doodle" and that Sunday school song that goes "The wise man builds his house upon the Rock, etc." Know which one I'm talking about?
Well, one day we were driving in the car, and Sammy was shouting requests from the back seat. "Sing Yankee Doodle, Mama!", "Sing about the wise man!", "Sing about the foolish man!" I asked the kids if they knew who "The Rock" in the song was. I went on to explain how Jesus is the Rock, and if we build our lives upon him then when bad stuff happens (the rain), he'll hold us up.
Sammy seemed to really be thinking about that one for a while. Finally, she said, "Mommy, that Jesus and Yankee Doodle should get together and sing 'cause they both have really good songs!"
I giggled all the way down the road!
I hope the Lord has been close to you this past week. Share your story with us. Please remember to link directly to your post and not your main page.
| 1. Vanessa ~When The Door Are Shut~ |
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Your kids are so adorable!! I don't think it's my imagination... it really seems like kids are coming in upgraded versions- just like computer programs... We're all amazed by the new "features," and they'll probably go through the same thing with their amazing kids! ;D
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you haven't been having too hard a time with hubby gone- blugh- no fun. I know I'm going to have a hard time transitioning from having mine study at home to becoming a residency student widow.