I just finished reading one of the best books I've ever read. What made it so great? Well, it was written by my best friend, for starters! She really is an incredible woman and such a blessing in my life. But the fact that it was written by her is not why I thought it was so good. The reason it was good (no, great) is that it opened my eyes to the state of my very soul....to my relationship with the Lord. That's a pretty tall order for one book to fill, but this one did it!
The past week has been an eye-opener for me, and this book was the icing on the cake. I feel like all sorts of stuff that happened in the past...it's coming back to haunt me! No, that's not quite right. It's more like I never really dealt with it. I just sort of swept it under the rug until I had more time or strength to deal with it. And now? I think God wants me to deal with it.
Oh, don't get too excited. It's nothing very juicy or dramatic. Just my little life. I'll spare you the details for now.
During the time that I was going through one particular trial, I remember standing in church during worship. The leader began to sing "I Surrender All", and I nearly collapsed in tears. I was so choked up, and I just could not bring my mouth to say the words. I found myself sitting in my chair, crying, and praying, "Oh Lord, I WANT to be able to surrender all to you, but I'm just so afraid!"
Seeking the Lord isn't always pretty. Sometimes he wants us to do things and talk about things that we don't want to do.
It's true. I haven't surrendered all. Intellectually, I have. I know in my head that everything in my life is in his control, and that in his capable hands is the best place to be. But my heart? Oh, my weak little heart is a different story! If I'm to be perfectly honest, my heart hasn't surrendered. My heart fears and frets and worries. The "surrender" of my heart looks less like "I trust you, Lord...and I gratefully give you all I have" and more like "Okay, I guess you're in charge and I can't do anything about it...please be careful with my precious ones and don't let anything bad happen!"
Sorry, Lord. You deserve more. As I was reminded tonight, you are trustWORTHY. Please help me to understand that right down to the depths of my soul. Change my heart so that I can truly sing with all I have...I Surrender All.
Would you like to share how the Lord touched you this week? Link up! Please remember to link directly to your post about this topic so that your link isn't deleted.
1. Lizzie @ A Whisper of Grace | 2. Vanessa ~ God is Our Refuge and Strength | 3. Everyday Becky (The Prayer That Never Fails) |
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We were thinking a lot a like this weekend. I did see that we both have global warming posts and the post I just did for Seek the Lord Sunday is really similar to yours. I guess great minds think alike, right?
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Becky
I truly appreciate your post. I am sitting at church right now, preparing for the evening service. I will have "worked" in 3services today, as my job is working for one of our ministers. Lately it has been tough and my I have had a hard time being able to worship because I am working(running media). As you talk about surrender I am convicted that this is what He has called me to do for this season and I must allow Him to minister to me as I minister to others and surrender it all to Him. Thank you and I am SO glad I took a moment to read this before I prepared to serve tonight.
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