'Tis The Season For Wanting More
>> Saturday, December 6, 2008 –
Holidays,
Lessons From Kids,
Seek The Lord Sunday
(Cross-Posted at Moms In The Right)
This post was originally published January 6, 2008
I was just cleaning up some files on my computer, and came across a document titled "Lessons From Kids". I opened it up, and couldn't believe that I'd forgotten about that file! It was filled with all sorts of sweet stories from when my older kids were smaller, and it brought back such great memories. It turns out that it was perfect for me to find tonight, because I've been feeling so...discontent...so mediocre.
Part of my problem is that I've been reading lots of blogs lately. Instead of feeling inspired or encouraged or energized, I feel - I don't know - less than "them" somehow. Less artsy. Less of a good mom. Less of a good friend. Less of a good Christian (whatever that means, anyway). Just less.
But after reading through that file I mentioned above, I'm suddenly feeling much better. One of the "lessons" I wrote about way back when was just what I needed to be reminded of tonight. I decided to share it with you just in case you could use the reminder too. Here it is:
My little baby boy is almost 4 years old. He has stayed home with me since the day he was born, but is spending more and more time away from home and with his little buddies and at preschool lately. He's blossomed into a considerate, social little man and I am so very proud of him. But he's developed one behavior that bothers me terribly: he started laughing with a goofy, fake laugh that he describes as “really cool”. I don’t know who he learned it from, but I don’t like it.
It struck me one day that it’s really just an innocent thing, so why does it bother me so much when he does it? I spent some time thinking about it, and I finally realize that it bothers me because it simply isn't Ben’s laugh. I miss his genuine giggle. I cringe every time I hear that fake laugh…it just is not him.
I wonder how often our Father cringes to see us behaving in a way that he knows is just not us? We may think it makes us look intelligent, grown up…”really cool”, but the Lord knows us better than anyone. He knows when we are being genuine and when we’re faking it or trying to be like someone we're not. I wonder if he feels as disappointed as I do when I’m missing Benjamin’s real laugh?
Instead of living my life to be what I think other people might like or expect…instead of living my life to be even what I might like or expect…I want to live my life in a way that does honor to the person my Father made me to be. At the end of the day I just want to be His kid. I know He loves me just as I am. In fact, He made me like this on purpose and He'd miss the real me if I were anything else.
Ah, the Christmas season. The wonderful glistening icicles, the delicate jingle of the bells, and the heavenly smell of a kitchen filled with baked yummies. And one more thing...the seemingly never-ending "need" for more. More of what, I'm not sure. All I know is that despite extravagant abundance and love and joy in my life...I feel like something is missing.
It could be that I'm spending too much time directing my attention to the superficial things like the jingling bells, delicious cookies, and my too quickly declining bank account (not to mention my massively overwhelming break-out-in-tears and keep-me-up-at-night to do list)....and too little time meditating on the real reason for our celebration.
Whatever it is, I've been feeling seriously inadequate lately. Like a fraud. Like I'm failing on all fronts - motherhood, wifehood (I know it's not a word), photographer-hood (I know!).
So when I came across this old post, I thought it might be a good one to run for this week's Seek The Lord Sunday on the off chance that someone else out there might be feeling a bit overwhelmed or inadequate.
It could be that I'm spending too much time directing my attention to the superficial things like the jingling bells, delicious cookies, and my too quickly declining bank account (not to mention my massively overwhelming break-out-in-tears and keep-me-up-at-night to do list)....and too little time meditating on the real reason for our celebration.
Whatever it is, I've been feeling seriously inadequate lately. Like a fraud. Like I'm failing on all fronts - motherhood, wifehood (I know it's not a word), photographer-hood (I know!).
So when I came across this old post, I thought it might be a good one to run for this week's Seek The Lord Sunday on the off chance that someone else out there might be feeling a bit overwhelmed or inadequate.
I might not be the best wife or mom who ever walked the earth. I am certainly not the best photographer who ever lived. I am simply Daiquiri Rose, and He made me just like this on purpose! I am doing my very best. With His help and strength, it is enough.
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This post was originally published January 6, 2008
I was just cleaning up some files on my computer, and came across a document titled "Lessons From Kids". I opened it up, and couldn't believe that I'd forgotten about that file! It was filled with all sorts of sweet stories from when my older kids were smaller, and it brought back such great memories. It turns out that it was perfect for me to find tonight, because I've been feeling so...discontent...so mediocre.
Part of my problem is that I've been reading lots of blogs lately. Instead of feeling inspired or encouraged or energized, I feel - I don't know - less than "them" somehow. Less artsy. Less of a good mom. Less of a good friend. Less of a good Christian (whatever that means, anyway). Just less.
But after reading through that file I mentioned above, I'm suddenly feeling much better. One of the "lessons" I wrote about way back when was just what I needed to be reminded of tonight. I decided to share it with you just in case you could use the reminder too. Here it is:
____________________________________________
My little baby boy is almost 4 years old. He has stayed home with me since the day he was born, but is spending more and more time away from home and with his little buddies and at preschool lately. He's blossomed into a considerate, social little man and I am so very proud of him. But he's developed one behavior that bothers me terribly: he started laughing with a goofy, fake laugh that he describes as “really cool”. I don’t know who he learned it from, but I don’t like it.
It struck me one day that it’s really just an innocent thing, so why does it bother me so much when he does it? I spent some time thinking about it, and I finally realize that it bothers me because it simply isn't Ben’s laugh. I miss his genuine giggle. I cringe every time I hear that fake laugh…it just is not him.
I wonder how often our Father cringes to see us behaving in a way that he knows is just not us? We may think it makes us look intelligent, grown up…”really cool”, but the Lord knows us better than anyone. He knows when we are being genuine and when we’re faking it or trying to be like someone we're not. I wonder if he feels as disappointed as I do when I’m missing Benjamin’s real laugh?
Instead of living my life to be what I think other people might like or expect…instead of living my life to be even what I might like or expect…I want to live my life in a way that does honor to the person my Father made me to be. At the end of the day I just want to be His kid. I know He loves me just as I am. In fact, He made me like this on purpose and He'd miss the real me if I were anything else.
| 1. Linda - Nickers and Ink 2. Vanessa ~ The Cost of Love | 3. Linda - The Mane Point 4. Deanna |
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GOT HOLIDAY SPIRIT?
PS: On Sundays, you are welcome to post a link-comment at MEME EXPRESS - with your Sunday SIMPLY SNICKERS poetry entries. 8-)
Be encouraged! (we all need it - I know I do!) I;ve enjoyed particitpating in Seek the Lord Sunday.
Merry Christmas!
Great post! I imagine the Lord shaking His head at us and saying "why does she think she has to act that way? Why can't she just be happy the way I made her?" But far too often we think we have to live up to the expectations of others and not the expectations of God. Thanks for the reminder today to be who He created us to be!