My (Run Up The) Mountaintop Experience

I went for a run this morning.  Well, technically  it was the afternoon...but when a girl's married to a guy like the one I'm married to....the kind that lets her sleep in until 10, then wakes her with gentle kisses AND breakfast in bed?  Well, sometimes time just seems to turn on itself and gets all mixed up.  I'm not complaining in the least.  Are you kidding?  Stop the clock right now and let me spend eternity with my amazing man.  Time - you matter not one bit when I'm with him.

Whew.  I digress.  I'm a blessed woman, to be sure.

So...I ran.

And the second song on my playlist this morningnoon?  It was this:

Great Things - Matt Maher

Before you play it, you'll need some instructions:  

1.  Get out of your chair and get your singing voice on

2.  TURN IT UP LOUD

3.  Repeat until you just can't take it anymore

It was just the perfect song to get and keep me going.  And boy oh boy, did I have a great talk with God.  There's just nothing like spending time with Him when I'm really focusing on HIM and how incredible he is.  I spend the first half of my run just rattling off all the blessings in my life and saying "thank you".  

It reminded me of running the 1/2 marathon I did this past spring.  I didn't have music with me, but I spend the bulk of my time on that hill praying.

"Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this!"

"Oh, Lord.  This hurts."

"What was I thinking? Yesterday would have been a good time to let me sprain an ankle or something."

"Is it me, or is that little brook over there singing your praises?"

"Thank you for this healthy body."

"Lord...mountains?  Were they really necessary?"

"Wow - look at those flowers and look at that hawk soaring up there.  You're awesome."

"Um, Lord...this is embarrassing, but that guy I just passed is snickering and doesn't think I can hear him talking to his buddy.  You hear the crude things he's saying about me.  Would you mind striking him with lightening or something.  Like now, maybe?"

"Okay.  Pretty sure I'm dying here.  Glad I know where I'm headed."

"I can't do this anymore.  You said I can do all things through you.  I'm just gonna hang out here and do my best to breathe and lift my feet.  I'll count on you to keep my heart beating and my feet landing where they should."

It was that last prayer that really stuck with me as a lesson for life.  

Do you ever get to the point where you just feel like you can't "do it" (whatever your "it" is) anymore?  Do you feel like you're lost, frustrated, overwhelmed, lonely, hurt?

I do.  And I'm a child of the King.  My life has value and purpose and I'm never alone.  But still, I feel like I've had it....daily.

But you know, there's a strange joy and peace in those moments.  Life is hard, no doubt.  Even as His kid, life can seem downright crappy (pardon the language).  In fact, the more I know Him, the more I want to just be with him and leave this life behind.  

It's in those moments of "Lord, I've HAD it!" that I finally come to the end of whatever I'm capable of doing on my own.  I turn to Him and say something like I did on that run - Lord, I'm just gonna keep on breathing, and I'll count on you to keep me going and guided in the right direction.

And it's painful...this giving up of myself and my control.  There's something at the heart of our human nature that really just wants to do it ourselves.  But would I want it any other way?

There was a time when my "I've had it" moments came around 3:00 PM.  Then it was around lunch time.  These days, it comes closer to breakfast time.

You'd think that as I grow and mature, that I'd more easily be able to handle the ups and downs and just ride them out with a little grace.  You'd think my endurance would increase...that those "I'm done" moments would start happening LATER in the day instead of the opposite.  When I realized the trend, it irritated me to no end.

But then I realized that I had it all wrong!

Now, I pray that my "Lord, take over for me" moments will start happening in that quiet, fuzzy moment during which I start to drift out of dream world, but still haven't opened my eyes for the day.  My first mostly alert thought for the day...I want it to be one of handing my day over to the One who holds me together by his very word...who knows me...who loves me.

And considering the fact that it's past 1 AM right now?  I sure hope that the first time I get to try and remember to do this as I'm waking up (tomorrow morning) happens at about 10:30 AM ;-)