Nothing Much At All

Know what I'm doing this weekend?  Nothing...isn't it glorious!

I was up in the middle of the night with my sweet baby boy Thomas, who was wailing for his binky.  We went cold turkey with the "sinky binky" yesterday - I was sick and tired of feeling like I was being held hostage to the little guy's need to *constantly* have a binky in his mouth AND another in his hand.  

Where are they?

Are they clean?

Did that binky fall into that nasty mess over there?

Did you wash it?

No, I didn't...I thought you did!

Adding to that drama is the fact that Thomas is two and not speaking at ALL.  It's time to "pull the plug" and force the issue a bit on that front.

Anyway...that was my way of saying that I *earned* the right to sleep until 10 AM this morning ;-)  And I was gently guided into the conscious world by the smell of buttered toast and a fresh omelet garnished with tomatoes from our garden.  I ate in my jammies...in bed...surrounded by giggling babies and an adoring husband.

I was confessing my fears and worries to a friend recently.  She has such a firm and real grasp on God's love for her.  I know it intellectually (that God loves me), but I struggle to feel it way down deep in my heart.  Our conversation then switched gears and we talked about our husbands.  I, of course, gushed on and on about how wonderful my amazing Luke is.

Her reply (straight from Heaven, I know) was something like, "Well, the Spirit is in Luke.  God loves you through Luke too, you know.  Whenever you feel the outpouring of Luke's love for you...know that THAT is God's love."

Hit me like a ton of bricks.  In a good and overpowering and let-the-tears-come kind of way.

As I enjoyed my omelet while still cozy in my jammies this morning...oh, God loves me very, very much.

Totally changing gears...

I'm going to have to get on the couponing bandwagon.  I have a handful of friends who save hundreds of dollars in groceries and household stuff each month.  I think I've pursued lots of avenues to make money, but have pretty much left the roads to saving money unexplored.  We're committed (and frankly, a bit obsessed lately) with our plan to dig ourselves out of debt - we even sold Luke's Suburban (sniff, sniff) this week.  It just doesn't make sense to spend hundreds of dollars each month that I could be saving us.

Sigh.  I don't want something new on my to-do list.  But I'm going to Walmart today to buy last week's Sunday paper, and I'll go again tomorrow to buy the new one.  

At least I don't have to get gussied-up to go to Walmart.  In fact, maybe I'll bring my camera to see if I can come up with a contribution to People of Walmart.  Have you seen that site?  Warning: NOT a family friendly site.  But if you're in the mood to wonder "what in the heck is that person THINKING?!" and "What?!  REALLY?!"...go check it out.  It's hours of entertainment ;-)

Ahhh....and now, for what's really on my mind.

Grandma.

My 91 year old Grandma is in the hospital with a slew of problems, and I hate it.  I hate that she's suffering in any way.  I hate it when she has a hangnail, for crying out loud.  I hate that I can't be there for her.  I hate that I can't be there for my Mom.  I hate that Grandma has been lonely for a long time and wanting to "go home with Daddy (what she always called Grandpa)".  

I hate the thought of holding on to her.

I hate the thought of letting her go.

There's one thing I love though....a conversation we had years ago during which she referred to "the Lord" in such a tender voice, that I know that she must know Him.  

Here's a photo of taken of Grandma with me (far, buck-toothed right) and my sisters about 23 years ago.  Would you pray for her, please?