The Vacant Space
>> Monday, November 16, 2009 –
Parenting,
Random Thoughts
I have a confession. I've been holding out on you.
I found a blog that is challenging and changing me like none other, and I just can't NOT share any longer. You can find it HERE (The Internet Binge). The amazing woman who writes this blog is actually someone I love and respect very much. She is my sister-in-law (married to Luke's brother). You might recognize her voice...Esther comments here from time to time.
After blogging each day for a month, Esther is stepping away from the internet for an entire year. No blogs. No email. No Google. No You Tube. No news pages. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Cold turkey! Think about it!! Does it make your blood run a little chilly? It does mine! What would I DO without the internet?!
But here's the question of the hour...WHY?
Why does the idea of no internet access make me feel almost frantic?
Esther recently wrote about being a SAHM and how the internet helps to fill an empty space. The way she wrote it...it took my breath away! She said:
"They [children] force you to make space for them and then they don't fill it"
How beautiful and perfect is that statement. It really got me thinking about the vacant space that feels like it sits in the middle of my chest. I'm always feeling like I'm overwhelmingly needed. My to do list is infinite. The people who surround me are constantly in my face and near me and ON me (and don't get me wrong, I love it!). So how can I so often feel bored and lonely? It's that vacant space. When I'm forced away from the internet for a period of time - even just days or a week. That empty spot leaves me literally wandering around the house...a nibble of a chip here...a watering of a plant there...an adjusting of a crooked photo on a wall...a glance at myself in the mirror...thumbing through a magazine... Eventually I sit and rest and go to that space. It's then that I realize that it's in that spot that God resides. Why do I spend so much time filling that space with busy work and avoiding Him, I wonder? Maybe I'm the one who should be finding the big "OFF" switch on the internet.
What about you? Where would you be without the internet?
She's brave and I totally admire her. When I have taken internet hiatuses I have loved them and found life was better. Hmmm....
I am always telling the teenage girls I teach at church that I worry that they have no time to just BE and let God talk to them. They are constantly connected-internet but mostly texting. It's very worrying and I think it permeates our entire society.
I'm glad I'm challenging you, Daiquiri. You've been challenging me for a couple of years now, and it has been very, very good for me. I'm looking forward to writing you some letters.
I think Esther might be my hero...I thought about where I would be without the internet and I realized something...when I AM away from it, I don't miss it as long as I don't AVOID it...does that make sense? If I try to avoid it, I desire it. If I just do what needs to be done and just be without it...I don't miss it. But the second I allow it to be something I attempt to avoid, I do worse than if I were to just treat it as another thing I could allow to consume me.
Don't get me wrong, it consumes me at times. Those times, I need to walk away...but again, if I just do what I need to be doing, what my heart truly desires me to be doing, I do not miss it.
But Esther, I think I would if I went an entire year...really I do...I don't do snail mail well...I know I Should...