After...

Well, I'm not much in the mood to blog.

After going through what we've gone through in the past month, it's hard to feel like much of anything is important.  Except snuggling with my kids....telling all of my loved ones how deeply they are loved....watching the sun set...enjoying a glass of wine and rejoicing in the fact that I have this day to LIVE.

But the world didn't stop turning - although, it MIGHT have for just the briefest of moments as that last breath was exhaled and we waiting for the next....and waited....and waited...

If it did, it started right back to it's turn.  The school programs, the sports, the memorial service, more goodbyes as family went back to their (new) normal lives, the work, the laundry.  A small box wrapped in a velvet bag.

Seriously....how is it that the whole world seems oblivious to what happened in the wee hours of that sacred Monday morning?

I was existing in "crisis mode" for quite a while.  It was pretty nice - I was mostly numb and just doing what needed to be done to survive.

But now, I'm coming out of crisis mode.  Please note that this is totally and completely against my will.  I prefer crisis mode.

In crisis mode, there is just sleep....not these nightmares.  There is just laundry....not surprising myself with sobs as I catch a tiny whiff of her.  There is just music....not time travel as I'm transported back to her bedside at the sound of "Amazing Grace".  There is just our bedroom....not hers....even though I rearranged the furniture.

My brain will process, I guess.  Even if I'd rather it not.

It's not all doom and gloom.  Not by a long shot.  I'm remarkably happy.  Joyful even.  It feels amazing to be alive.  Every day feels like a miracle - precious and precarious.

Live, friends.
Love.
Leave nothing unsaid.