Humble Pie
There's nothing like the honestly of children to keep a person humble. Sammy was my source of humility this morning. I was brushing her hair before school, and I asked her "If you sing while I brush your hair, will it make me young and beautiful?" (in reference to the recent movie "Tangled") Her reply?
"Well Mama, you're beautiful already, but you're sure not YOUNG."
Well ok!! :-) She sang me a pretty song anyway...I checked the mirror...nope, no change. I guess I'll stick with my new Anti-Age skin care instead.
The fact is, I wouldn't want to be younger....look younger, sure. But BE younger? No thanks. I wouldn't trade my life now for my life a year ago. And for my life 5 years ago? No way -- I wouldn't have my Thomas! Ten years? Ack -- no babies at all yet!
And frankly, there is no amount of money on earth that you could give me to make me willing to be a teenager again!
I'm loving life. My kids are strong and healthy and fun. My husband is my best friend and greatest love. I have God Himself watching over me and guiding my steps.
This.
Right Here.
Right Now.
Is precisely where I want to be.
It feels good to be able to say that, because I've been wondering lately if I'm on the right path. Shouldn't I devote myself full time to running my home and caring for my family? If I go back to work, shouldn't I make use of my engineering degree instead? What about photography?
In fact, someone asked me recently if I miss photography. It really gave me pause. Do I miss photography?
Well no. I don't. Mostly because I'm still shooting! But now, I'm shooting for ME. I'm not shooting to "get the shot" that someone will want to hang on the wall. I've gone back to my photography roots -- shooting God's beauty. It's a sort of prayer or meditation for me when I go out in the world with my camera. "Lord, show me You in this beauty. Help me capture it." And I shoot. I enjoy. I soak up a God who is in the vast expanse of the mountains and sunset....and is also in the details of the wings of butterflies.
"But what about making money as a photographer? What about taking family portraits?", he asked.
No. To be honest, I never made a whole lot of money at it. And it was physically difficult for me to spend all those hours crouched behind a lens, sweating the shot, and then processing on the computer and popping Tylenol to keep my arm, shoulder, and back from hurting with all that computer time.
But more importantly, I feel like I'm adding so much MORE value with what I'm doing now. I'm building something valuable and lasting for my family. I'm helping others do the same. And, when I compare hour for hour vs dollar for dollar.....I'm doing a much better thing for my family. Financial freedom around my family's needs.
But this work is certainly a life lesson for me. It's a team effort, which is hard for the fiercely independent like me. And there's an element of letting go of control that's scary for this type-A control freak. I wake up some mornings with a terrible stomach ache...only to realize that I'm not even breathing right. I want this so badly for my family and for each member of my team.....it has to be a deliberate choice for me each day to simply do my best and rest in that.
All I can do.....is all I can do.
In the end, it's really not about me at all. I believe that this is where God put me. This is what He's called me to. This family. This body. This business. It's where He wants me, and I'll give it my all....but at the end of the day everything about me is for HIM.
It feels good, really. Letting go of that burden to do it all perfectly all the time -- such a relief!
I'm so thankful that we have a Mighty God. A God who reminds me that all things are possible through HIM. All things are held together by HIM. My every thought is known by HIM.
It gets my eyes off of me, and on what really matters.....of course....Him!
Humility. It's not about me. It's about who I am relative to the One who matters most. The One who matters, period.
This humble pie? There's not a hint of bitter or sour in it. It's the sweet flavor of peace.....of trust....of rest in the One I live for.
I turned 50 on the 27th of September. Someone I know made a comment about my "age" and wouldn't I want to be 30 or so again..? My answer was-no. Not at all. You know what I'm finding out? I'm finding that as I age the lessons I learned in my younger years, the experiences I've had and all the special things the Lord has allowed into my life...are now just starting to solidify and I'm actually starting to feel like I have substance to my character. That the Lord really is completing what He started. It's an awesome feeling. One that just can't be felt while you are younger....sorry...just wanted to share some wisdom with a younger woman :) God Bless! I love your blog!