The Answer to "Not Enough"

It's in the eyes of nearly every person I see...I recognize it because I see it in my own mirror far too often.

There's an uncertain look.  A look of "what if I'm found out".

The shifting glances as we take in the other people in the room and mentally compare ourselves to the person we think is "best".  Best dressed.  Highest earner.  Biggest influencer.  Most fashionable.  

Do I measure up?  

Am I enough?

Can I deliver?

I don't know about you, but my analysis almost always comes back with a big fat "NO"....nope, not enough.  

Too old.  

Too heavy.  

Too loud.  

Too quiet.  

Too frumpy. 

Too broke. 

Too late.

I feel like a fraud.  Like maybe the beautiful ones will look at me and in their most snarky mean-girl voices say to me "What are YOU doing here?"

Sometimes I'm not measuring myself against others at all.  I get tired of the contest, so I decide to stay home.  I stay in my pajamas, throw my hair in a bun, and enjoy the safety of my cozy home and hot coffee.  The worship music plays.  The puppy snuggles are warm.  The peace surrounds me.

And still...

The housework.

The grocery shopping.

The meal planning.

The forms from school that need attention.

The dog needs an appointment with the vet.

The chipped coffee table and the ratty recliner.

The weeds in the garden.

The exercising I swore I'd do today.

The laundry.

Still not enough!

Lord help me if I dare to get on social media!  I'm feeling "not enough" before I even brave the beautiful people of the internet! haha!

And this morning...like a beacon cutting through the inky black...

I found the answer to "Not Enough"!

The disciples wrestled with "not enough" too, you know.  

Can you imagine?  Walking side by side with Jesus and still worrying that there just wouldn't be enough?  

Even after they'd seen him heal, create, teach, love?  Even as they could look in his eyes and hear his voice?  IN THE VERY PRESENCE OF JESUS...and still, they fretted about "not enough"!

There were thousands who had come to see Jesus.  Five THOUSAND men...PLUS women and children.  Think about that!  That's a small city of men, women, and children.  And friend, it was dinner time.  There were a lot of rumbling tummies and crabby kids haha!

The disciples looked around and OF COURSE they felt inadequate.  They didn't "think" they didn't have enough.  They were pretty darn certain.  They literally had two fish and 5 loaves of bread.  I don't care how big those fish and loaves were...there was NOT ENOUGH to feed a small city!

Here it comes...

Here comes the answer to "not enough"...

Jesus said "Bring them here to Me." (Matt 14:18)

And then in verse 19, we read "....He took the five loaves and the two fish..." 

Think about that for a second!  This is Jesus we're talking about.  He'd just miraculously healed the sick people of that massive crowd.

Do you think he could have snapped his fingers and satisfied everyone's hunger with a thought?

Do you think he could have multiplied those fish and loaves just by looking at them?

Of course he could.  He's Jesus...the great I AM...the Beginning and the End...the Source of ALL.

And yet, there was a lesson he wanted to teach his beloved friends:

"When you do not have enough, bring whatever you have to me and I will take it, and I'll make it enough"

(let's just pause here for a second and let that sink waaaay in)

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"Bring them here to Me" LEAPED off the page at me this morning.

I walk with Jesus.

I know His voice.

I've looked in His eyes.

I've melted in His embrace.

I trust His might, his power, his ability.

I've SEEN his miracles.  I've experienced them first hand and personally.

And yet....I've still carried around "Not Enough" nearly every. single. day.

WHY?

Because, until this morning, I've not "brought it to Him".  Not really.

I talk to Him about it.

I pray for His power to move in my circumstances.

I ask for His blessing.

....yet, all the while, I'm holding tightly to the little bit I DO have in the hopes that He'll multiply it with a snap of His fingers (because He CAN do that).

But I think maybe there's a bigger lesson here for me, just like there was for His disciples all those years ago...

I have to BRING IT TO HIM.

Not only that, but I have to let it go so that HE CAN TAKE IT.

We are not only to bring it to Him, we are to GIVE it to Him.

I can't help but think of a time that my little girl's favorite doll had a hole.  The stuffing was pouring out of her precious baby, so she came running to me for help.  I asked her to give me the baby....and she placed it in my hand, but refused to take her hand away haha!

I'm not Jesus...I wasn't capable of repairing the doll with her hands on it.  But once I realized she didn't want to let go, my priority became her trusting me.

I think it's the same with God.  Our HEART condition toward Him is the #1 priority because he LOVES us.

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Lord, I trust you.  

Help my mistrust.

Reveal my heart.

Give me a pure heart.

I'm sorry I've held so tightly to so much of my life.

Please take my children.

Please take my marriage.

Please take my body.

Please take my home.

Please take my business.

Please take my friendships.

Please take my future.

Please take all the jobs I feel so inadequate in.

I bring it to you, Jesus.

Not only that but I let it go...I let you TAKE it.

I'm so relieved to have all my needs and desires in your capable hands!

I can't wait to see what you have planned, my Friend.

I don't think your disciples expected you to feed a small city with just a couple fish and pieces of bread....so I look forward to seeing how you multiply all these areas of my life where I am so lacking!

Let it be to your Glory, Jesus.  Use everything in my life to draw people to your amazing love and friendship. 

Amen